Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Tamova Vodka

Vodka. Usually one of the cheapest & versatile types of spirits you can buy. It can be simultaneously used to sterilise first aid equipment & help you forget why you need it in the first place.
How better to start on vodka than with Aldi's own Tamova. And by that I mean starting on all of your friends 'cause after a few shots of this, you can go anywhere from being viciously drunk to viciously sick.


Percentage: 37.5%
Scald factor: 8/10
Price: (70cl) €11.50 - €12
Quantities: 50 & 70cl



Not quite starting from the bottom but at a height safe enough to fall from and only break the contents of the room and your leg. The dynamic qualities of this drink allows you to wreck an entire house without leaving the comfort of your chair.
Drinking Tamova straight gives you all the pros you'd usually hope to find in vodka. Whatever was in you, it's probably dead & if not: it wishes it was. The predominant taste is of mouthwash. If you can taste anything else; you're more than likely getting sick.

I was previously reluctant to write on vodka in general as it's been my first choice for a toilet shot and therefore not something I typically enjoy drinking. But if there's a will there's a warrant for an arrest so I went ahead and got some.
I try to avoid mixers when I can as they can sometimes make drinking take too much time & can change the desired effects of the drink; but I wasn't going into the deep end of wódka straight away so I did what I could.
 Here's a few ideas on how to add a nice touch to a drink, without belittling the scald factor:


Chili & Maoam Vodka
The tape was to stop us from drinking it before it was ready. It didn't work.




The bottle above has an ideal amount of chili in it. Below...not so much. I kept going past the half way mark after this & made some Vodka Chili instead. While it's never the first choice for a night out, it'll put hairs on your chest & quite possibly your arse.

Drinking Experience - Chili
The chili balances out the burn from the vodka fairly well & makes it enjoyable to drink. I'd recommend shaking the bottle and waiting a while between each extra chili. Or don't. (It'll continue to get more intense over the space of a few days). The flavour can vary depending on the chili used but generally it's in the region of pizza & burning taste buds.
The textures may also give you the feeling of tiny hairs or flakes being in it if the peppers lose their integrity. Generally it keeps its watery glory though. You can always dilute it with more vodka to make it easier to drink. And yes. I did say that.

Maoam
I didn't make the Maoam Vodka, but I fairly fuckin' drank it. Tastes really sweet & leaves loads of sediment that isn't worth the time to remove. The texture is smooth with chalky elements. You may notice the shock on the face of one of the shot glasses above ^ after being robbed of its scummy layer of sugar/chalk. Don't do it. The scald demands it.

Mint
Adding mint & sugar can make it taste like a completely different kind of mouthwash, if disappointment & disgust isn't your first choice.
Sweetness with little speckled, minty hairs.

Mixture of the above
It's what I imagine world peace to be like. Just do it. You can't possibly dislike it, even if you despise vodka.


If you've decided/been forced to drink it straight & need some motivation to drink it faster & fuck over other people; here's a beautiful way to do it:

Vodka Roulette
Get an even number of identical glasses (8 preferred ~ 80 recommended). Fill half of them with paint stripper & the other half with water. You can just pick them out of a mixed up circle/do it blindfolded or roll a die & turn a stool around the amount of times shown & drink the nearest one to you. Buying the game is a bit of a stretch. Keep 'er scaldy.

 
If you get any good ideas of ways to flavour filthy cheap drink or have a truly scaldy image or idea to consume said scald, send any pictures to this page.

It'll be included in an eventual competition for an official scaldy shoelace, the cheapest can I can find, a receipt with a penis and signature on it & the greatest honour of having the picture on a blog, which may or may not be credited. (Deadly serious).