Tequila Mockingbird

Tequila, the drink that defies mixers. Who needs fruit juice & tasty soft-drinks when you can put seasoning for a fish into your mouth. It's Spanish for: "I need a plastic bag. Quick!".
The infamous tequila that leads many to get sick over bar counter tops and fight close friends is made from the Blue Agave (pron. Ah-gah-vay/Ah-gay-vee) Agave tequilana.  
The plant looks roughly how it feels going down. Particularly for the high percentage of people already struggling to tell their arse from their elbow when they get the courage or desperation to drink a few shots of it.

The drink is named after the nearby city where Mexicans first hatched their plot to make foreign house parties and get-togethers turn into a bare-knuckle boxing matches without any genuine reason. 

"Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone."
- Dylan Moran

Nicknames: Mr.T, Teq, Ta-kill-ya, Teeurghkerlyea (the only one I've heard that isn't tequila).
Percentage: Usually 38-40% [Can be 31-55%]
Scald factor: 8/10
Price: Corrida €20-22 (70cl) / Olmeca: €22-28

Olmeca Gold
Taste: Slightly sweet with a subtle touch of honey. You may also notice a hint of black pepper on the extra taste buds you'll suddenly develop in the back of your throat, although it can have similar flavours to whatever the last thing you ate was.

"Silver"/Blanco:
Taste: Similar to drinking methylated spirits while inhaling smoke from a campfire. Citric aromas blend with the flavours to perk you up and stop you from passing out at the wheel while driving home after a few quiet shots.

Corrida: 
Lidl, not being ones to disappoint, painstakingly select their ingredients to get a blend that delights the senses. Elements of citrus fruits and disinfectant with an after taste of more disinfectant. An excellent choice for cleaning a counter-top or your insides.

Northern Irish Shot: I'm sure there's various other names for a similar drink depending on where you get it but I was introduced to it as the Narn Arlin Shot so I'll go with that.
Instead of the classic lemon/lime and salt; it consists of an orange wedge with Tabasco on top of it as a chaser.
I'm not sure what makes it Northern Irish, but it's orange and it'll probably leave you petrol bombing your neighbours so it can't be too far off.
Although it may sound fairly harsh, it's become my favourite way to drink it. The three flavours balance each other out to kill the burn (or gag) and leave a sweet, but tangy, refreshing experience; so no matter how foul mouthed you get, it wont leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.

Tequila Suicide: For those that have run out of ways to express self hatred and still love a challenge. Why make a volatile liquid taste more tolerable when you can damage your vision and sense of smell at the same time?
Snort the salt. Squirt the lemon/lime in your eye. Drink the shot. Look like a complete and utter nob.
It's as simple as that.

Mezcal: A common misconception is that "proper" tequila should have a worm in it.
If you're in any way disappointed that your local source of tequila doesn't contain a legless corpse; you can always go into your garden, dig a hole and fuck right off into it.

Agave americana - It looks the way it tastes

"Para todo mal, mezcal; Para todo bien, también" 

- For everything bad, mezcal; for everything good, the same.

Mezcal, from the Oaxaca (Wa|haka) region of Mexico, meaning "oven cooked agave", is traditionally drank featuring that tasty larva that gringos can't get enough of. Originally, the worm was a sign of contamination and thus a lower quality drink; now it has been elevated to a marketing ploy and a way to get cheap laughs out of foreigners. Something I find admirable about Mexico and indeed the human race as a whole. For this, I impart the most prodigious award unto this drink/arrest warrant: The Scald Seal of Approval.

Bon Appétit