Such a Goon

I can't just write about wine in a carton and not take the scaldiness down another filthy peg. This next glorious scald nectar stays true to the box but it doesn't fuck around with cartons.
Boxed/Cask wine. When available, it is the cheapest source of nourishment for any buzz fiend.

While there's a more intricate opening featuring a latch for easy pouring; it does not falter in the face of scald.


To all those unfamiliar to its glory; It is known as Goon. The most abundant liquid in Australia next to Fosters and the lesser known water.
Wine in a bag is probably an Urban Kings best option as it can be used as a pillow if you become overwhelmed by its illustriousness and are forced to sleep in the community playground.
In the possession of an experienced Scaldineer; it may be disguised as a balloon or jocked (hidden in your crotch area/underwear/jocks) due to its versatility.

Quantity: 1-10 litres  Percentage: 8-18% Scald Factor: 10 Taste: 2-7 Value: 8-10

The national sport and most popular pastime in Australia:

Goon of Fortune
To play this game you need the following things: A rotating clothes line, pegs, a few friends & goon. Arms help but are not required. It's recommended that you don't bring your gag reflexes.
Similar to Russian Roulette: You'll probably die or end up speaking Vietnamese.
Spin the goon attached to the line. The nearest to the bag drinks. The game doesn't end. You do.
Penalties are to be enforced for interfering with the line's rotation and being dull.
For advanced players: Extra bags can be added to the line.



The Goon Challenge is also a strong option. 4litres and beyond. All you have to do is drink it in one night. Success is rewarded with two golden stars and a splitting headache.


To the more observant reader: Yes, I didn't follow the format of the two previous posts religiously. If you haven't already lowered your standards and punctured your expectations; you're missing the whole point of being a scaldy bastard. Wise up.